You can’t win…

You can’t win when you are depressed (AND SINGLE!!!).  I feel that I am always doing the “wrong” thing. If I am sitting around feeling bad about myself, my friends would say that I’m not trying hard enough.  but when I’m going on 2 dates weekly and exhausted, they will say “you will find love when you are not looking.”  so which is it?  or if I stuff my schedule with activities to ward off the pain/sadness of being lonely- I am told that I am doing too much. I know their advice comes from a good place for lack of anything better to say when I am crying on the other line.  But when I sit in my own pool of sadness, there is nothing else to do but cry and feel the pain of being utterly alone.  For some unknown reason, when I get that deep deep pit, I always call my friends and yet it is rare that I feel better since they just spew out these advice that for some reason never moves me beyond my sad sad state.  if anything, they made me feel worse and yet I still call…must be related to insanity. I suppose that it just eases the tension of knowing that I am all alone and that there is someone to call despite the fact that they can’t help me at all.  I probably know that, I hope hearing a familiar voice will ease the pain but it doesn’t. I’m sure it makes them feel uncomfortable talking a sad person on the other end. They feel helpless so they spew out advice that has helped them since they are usually so busy being coupled. I know I know, this is said in anger since it is not always true.  I do know that my friends listen to me from a place of love.  I know this is also not going to last forever, I just have to ride this wave and wait for rise and fall again.

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