Not sure if this is what withdrawal or depression feels like. It seems that I have exhausted all my endorphins surfing yesterday that there is not one more molecule of happiness left in my brain (at least for today). I feel drained, depleted, exhausted and empty. Despite the 12 hours of sleep, I still feel mentally and physically fatigued, tired and unable to get of bed. I feel the soreness of every movement of my muscles as I attempt to do daily activities, such as getting out of bed, putting on my clothes and brushing my teeth. Each painful movement is a small reminder of my active day the day before.
I love surfing. I love being outside. I love the ocean. I love swimming. Surfing seems to combine all my loves and even surprises me with how much joy I can fully extract from any activity. I love sitting on the surfboard in the vast ocean. I love feeling the extreme heat of the sun against my face while simultaneously feeling the refreshing coolness of the ocean lap over my legs. I love squinting under the hot, hot sun and looking toward the horizon, trying to spot the next powerful wave that will pick up my board and my little body with it. At that moment, I am so happy, so in love, so filled with joy, so filled with excitement that I feel that my heart could burst. I spot a small swell approaching, I move quickly to turn my legs around and begin to paddle toward the shore. Looking back to see if the swell is still following me, the race begins: I try to paddle as fast as I can. Since I am a beginner, the timing of my paddling is usually off and in the race between the waves and me, I usually lose. I sadly paddle ineffectively or have poor timing just to see the smooth wave roll right by me. I am beginning to realize that to catch the wave, I have to “out paddle” it so that my board catches it at its peak just before crashing into the shore. Yes, the trick is to “catch” it.
There are few things in life that can mimic the exhilaration that overwhelms you when you stand up on the board and feel the ocean lift you effortlessly towards the shore. I love feeling the ocean’s power, it unrelenting force propelling me forward. It is the reward you receive when you are able to perfectly time your movements, paddle furiously to “out-paddle” the wave just so you can catch it.