We Are All Pigeons

Welcome back to the dating scene Vivian. You have been here before and here you are again. This time something seems to be a little different. Maybe this time I am older and wiser or maybe I have been doing this way too long, but this time does seem slightly varied. Maybe the choice of men have been different and their age have been in the greater than 40s range or maybe it’s because their attempt at courtship remind me of the well known pigeon dance. We have all seen this dance in NYC (unless you are extremely unobservant or just do not care about mating habits of the “wild”). Sitting on park benches in NYC, we often observe many pigeons wondering around aimlessly. But I also have noticed some pigeons participating in the unwelcomed mating dance. I notice the male pigeon all puffed up and dancing wildly in the front of the female pigeon, who is completely oblivious that there is something desperately trying to get her attention. She walks away or moves in the opposite direction leaving the frantic puffed up mess of testosterone running after her just to repeat the cycle again. Yes that is what comes to mind during my ineffectual encounters with older men.

The conversation always seems to be about them or a carefully selected collection of their accomplishments that they want to share with me. I have heard men who tell me how they unclogged their own toilets- seemingly trying to demonstrate their problem solving skills. One began to rattle off how many surgical centers he built and own and sold, more details to follow involve how much they cost and how many million of dollars they have already begun to appreciate – obviously trying to demonstrate his lucrative earning capability and over-qualification as – a bread winner. This last guy already told me his thesis statement of how lucrative these surgical centers are and after much information, restated his conclusion by again reminding me with a list of all the surgical centers he owns and their respective locations all over Manhattan. Another went on and on about his travels all across Europe and USA for the love to skiiing – this is indicating to me that he is adventurous and willing to travel. One picked the wrong topic (by wrong, I mean politics) and told me how he knows Trump is crazy but perhaps he is better than Hilary since she is too “self-serving.” Ok, i am completely confused, does this mean Trump is not self serving? Then this successful business man proceeded to tell me that maybe Trump will shape up before November, to which I replied that he’s maybe wasting his time. If he is going to act like some desperate girlfriend waiting for his boyfriend to change. “What you see is what you get,” I replied. “Not sure his craziness is going to go away anytime soon!” That was just the tip of the conversation that got me so enraged that I had to excuse myself ungraciously. I maybe need more practice in that area, aka how to successfully deal with crazy people while discussing about other crazy people.

Sometimes I wonder that these potential mates are so busy trying to impress me or maybe just grateful for a captured audience that they fail to recognize me as a conversationalist partner. They seem unwilling or unable to participate in a good-ole fun-game of conversational tennis, you know what I am referring to, when the flow of the conversation goes back and forth between two individuals. They do not seem to mind that that ball has dropped into their court and throughout the conversation, the ball continues to stay there. Sometimes after a long monologue, the astute ones realize or can finally read the cues of a soon-to-be uninterested listener and they lop the ball over the net for me to swing over. They begin by looking interested in asking me an uninteresting small question just to have them use it as a stepping point to launch into another story.

Perhaps I am the wrong audience for all this attention. I am lucky to have become an independent, high achieving female who makes a decent income to support myself. I can see that if I was looking for a successful bread winner, many of these guys who have verbally spilled out their resumes to me on these dates, would seem qualified and even interesting. But given that $ does not seem to be my only criteria, I find many of these men terribly uninteresting and frankly boring. I know I should be impressed by their enterpeurial wiles but sometimes it just makes me sad that there are no other worth while challenges for them other than to make significant amounts of money. Or sometimes I wish I could be the average female and be incredibly impressed and swept off my feet with their real estate conquests and stories of “success.”
For some reason, what they DO on dates is always more impressionable to me than what they say since half the time, they are just puffing themselves up and telling me these amazing stories about themselves. It is more interesting for me to see how they interact with others and me, and to see how they can play a game of conversionalist tennis or does it deteriorate into a game of wall ball with me being the sole uncaptivated viewer. I am not saying that being able to make money is terrible or that I do not like it. On the contrary, I do appreciate men being able to garner an income of course. It is one of the many signs that guys have their sh$t together. I guess being a financially independent female makes me look for a little more than their earning potential. Yes having a career gets their foot in the door but are they interesting? Do they care about things other than work? How do they enjoy life? Do they enjoy life? Do they care or value the company of others? Have they noticed this pigeon dance too the last time they were walking in Central Park?


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